Family Matters

Govern a family as you would cook a small fish - very gently.

16 May 2008:
My cousin is getting engaged on this special day. How I wish I could get away from work to witness this special moment of her's.

15 May 2008:
The long awaited letter confirming my enrolment into MSc Information Studies finally arrived, Subhan Allah!

11 May 2008:
Don't quite get it as to why people would spend one day in a whole year with their mum when they could display their love consistently on a daily basis. Anyway, if it matters to you, here's a tribute to all mothers and happy Pangea day!

2 May 2008:
Post labour day, aunt Z welcomes her son (aka my 30th cousin) into this world, little Muhammad Zul Ilyaas.

PS: Happy birthday to buddy Y.

An Open Letter of Comfort

Friendship is a sheltering tree.

The protective streak in me was on high gear tonight. I felt immense pain yet great pride almost simultaneously. Contradicting? When you have a long history with someone you care loads for, you tend to wanna shield the person from impending danger. But I guess life, with its hard knocks and bumps, makes a person stronger and ultimately better.

My dear, be strong. In an enduring relationship, it takes two to make a genuine effort to commit unconditionally, communicate openly and honestly without taking each other for granted. Its easier said than done but once indifference sets in, its literally a battle lost. Without a doubt, letting go is the right decision... you owe it to yourself to be happy.

With time, that special someone will come knocking when your heart is truly ready. I'm here for you as you take the time to heal.

Save Our Children

An individual has not started living until he can rise above the narrow confines of his individualistic concerns to the broader concerns of all humanity.

It was a wake up call for many after watching The Inconvenient Truth. The reason the movie strikes a chord and brings shivers down your spine is because it was based on cold hard facts.

Let's commemorate World Environment Day on 5 June 2008. Perhaps its time to reflect and change your lifestyle for the better of human kind...

Portrait of a True Muslim...

In the name of Allah
The Most Beneficient, the Most Merciful

When asked by Saydina Ali (k.w.) about his way of life, Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w.) replied:

Meditation in GOD is my capital
Reason and sound logic is the root of my religion
Love is the foundation of my existance
Enthusiasm is the vehicle of my life
Contemplation of GOD is my companion
Faith is the source of my power
Sorrow is my friend
Knowledge is my weapon
Patience is my garb and virtue
Submission to the DIVINE will is my pride
Truth is my salvation
Worship is my habit
And in prayer lies the coolness of my eyes
And the peace of mind

(Hadith)

This is something I endeavour to attain in life... ultimately.

The past weeks have been...

2 April 2008:
My follow-up with my specialist concluded that I will have to wait another year to monitor the 3 Fiffetes and 1 Cystie (yup she popped up out of nowhere this year). The irony was when my specialist asked, "How are you feeling today?", I told her with great honesty that I was feeling great (the regular pilates/yogas/aerobics did some good to my body) .

1 April 2008:
Speaking about re-thinking my position, I received an email from Dubai with a letter of offer. Now I'm really in a dilemma between work, family and studies...

31 March 2008:
My good old friend is back so that means its time to catch up real soon! Meanwhile, I just came back from Carousel at Royal Scotts on the Plaza... It was actually a sad occasion as we bid farewell to a dedicated HOD (she was a tad emotional prior to the dinner)... She would be missed. That means I need to re-think my position as I have a rather bad feeling about the near future...

29 March 2008:
I completed my test and interview for the MSc Information Studies and received a verbal confirmation about the recommendation to enrol me... During the interview, I realised that there was a total of 1500 applications of which 350 were shortlisted for the test and interview and ultimately only 150 would be enrolled * cross my fingers and toes*

21 March 2008:
In the morning of Good Friday, Muhammad Hairil Iqhwan was born without his father by his side... Stay tuned for further details about the second son of Norhisham Isnin.

20 March 2008:
Just came back from my corporate group networking night... Its been awhile since I played pool (was tempted to participate in the Karaoke session but my sensibility got the better of me, thank GOD!) .

14 March 2008:
After the cost-benefit analysis of the divisional retreat, I concluded that the lunch buffet at Kintamani was excellent and thought nothing much about the rest of the day... so you go figure that one out ;P

"Surrender"

This song has a beautiful melody with meaningful lyrics. Below are the translation in English (I hope I did justice to it). Every day of my life, I plead for You to constantly Bestow me with tranquility, instil the resilience in me To face the challenging times that may come my way expectedly I'm sure there's meaning therein You instil hope in me to answer all of life's query Allowing me to live my life calmly with grace and dignity With a deep sense of gratitude, I pray that You will watch over me Bless me with Your compassion and mercy O my Lord enlighten my heart that is within me To face the challenges that come my way unexpectedly O my Lord I submit everything to You completely So that my soul is calm with Your guidance, always Ooo At times I feel like life is a fragile glass Can end up in broken pieces when devoid of patience Steady me to bravely persevere through it all oh Strengthen me, equip me with resilience O my Lord enlighten my heart that is within me To face the challenges that come my way unexpectedly O my Lord I submit everything to You completely So that my soul is calm with Your guidance, always Shower Your blessings on my life O my Lord enlighten my heart that is within me To face the challenges that come my way unexpectedly O my Lord I submit everything to You completely So that my soul is calm with Your guidance, always Ooo

Check your ring fingers!

Another Personality Profile?

Tried out the Personality Profile assessment created by Dr Helen Fischer. Read about me and be the judge if its accurate ;P

You are an executive. You are consistent, reliable, thorough and persevering. You can also be socially charming. So you are good at managing others at home, in your social circles and at work.

You are efficient too. You have high standards and take your duties seriously, focusing carefully on your assignments with sensible and concrete thinking.

You are somewhat traditional. You like people and are generally comfortable with them. You work hard to build and support your family and social networks. You are very protective of those you love.

You respect schedules, rules and routines. Appropriate behavior is generally important to you. Yet you have a streak of the independent thinker in you. As a result, you have a good balance between conventionality and originality.

You are also a good leader. You acquire the perks and status of rank more easily than most. And you handle your possessions gracefully. You also enjoy time alone, pursuing your personal interests.

Characteristics of all four personality types can be found within each of us, but there is almost always one personality type that is dominant. The Personality Profile also identifies your minor or secondary personality type. You exhibit some aspects of this personality type, though not to the same degree as with your major type.

Builder, 30%: Usually very popular. Deep attachment to home and family. Calm demeanor and low anxiety. Often consistent, loyal and protective.

Director, 29%: Daring, original, direct and inventive. A non-conformist. Skilled at abstract thinking and short-term planning. Often assertive and quite competitive. Tough-minded and efficient.

Explorer, 23%: Known for high energy, high creativity and spontaneity. Seeks novelty, risk and pleasure. Intellectually curious and not easily swayed by opinion.

Negotiator, 18%: Excels at seeing the big picture, long-term planning and consensus building. An intuitive thinker who is flexible, verbal and socially skilled. Imaginative, empathetic and nurturing.

Searching 4 Truth in 1's Heart

I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word in reality. This is why right, temporarily defeated, is stronger than evil triumphant.

Don't catch the drift? Its ok. I'm just feeling melancholy tugging at my heart's strings. Richard Marx's "Slipping Away" keeps playing in my mind. Relief from this day forward? Perhaps... God knows what's best for me, Ameen.

Time for ME

Loneliness is the poverty of self; solitude is the richness of self - May Sarton

Three weeks back, I received an online wedding invitation from an acquaintance. And today, I witnessed his wedding and finally met his wife. Together with our common friends, I wish him well.

Also today, I received an invitation from a dear friend to come out and take a breather from work. Its always nice catching up with 'old friends'... The 6 weeks stint in Germany would do you some good - clear your mind off the intricacies of the heart... see if independent living suits you well... get a fresh perspective on life... learn a new culture, visit interesting places and meet new friends. Take the opportunity presented with a positive outlook. As the saying goes, "Small opportunities are often the beginning of great enterprises"... You'll never know if it would take you places...I'll see you when you get back :)

Looking back at the past month... I'm glad I got back on track with my health and fitness regime... I now need to decide the future direction of my education and take charge of little Miss Fifis...they are always at the back of my mind... I hope to travel and recuperate in the next few months. I truly need some time for ME!

Reflections...

The good life is inspired by love and guided by knowledge. - Bertrand Russel.

The chat with mum today was truly meaningful... only your mum would accept and love you without conditions... after all the aches and pains you've caused her. I must admit I was a rebel, but I was not a rebel without a cause...

Tomorrow, we'll end the year with a bang with a party at work... I wished my 'mentor' was there; it would have been great! He's dearly missed by all, the kind soul that he is.

As I watched the fireworks on tv at the stroke of midnight, with sms pouring in via my mobile, like many, I don't believe in making new year resolutions, rather I'd prefer to take small steps, small chances... small but consistent achievements along the way... that would indeed be more meaningful.

Always a Constant

Start with smiles, a generous share, then blend in warmth and laughter. Add lots of happy memories that will last forever after. Don't forget the patience for the days when things go wrong. Add a sense of humor and a trust that's deep and strong. Garnish with some compliments, lovingly expressed... And there you have it - a recipe for friendship at its best!

The year passes by ever so quickly that its hard to imagine that 2008 comes beckoning. Taking a pause to reflect on what I've accomplished for this year, its hard to put it into words... but one thing I'm thankful for is that I was surrounded by people who matter most to me. Work wise, I get the stability I yearn for while doing what I'm passionate about.

Inspite of the fickle weather, today was truly a great day. I'm tempted to pen my thoughts down but instinctively felt that whatever feelings I hold so dear... let it remain a guarded secret in my heart. But allow me to leave you with this heart warming poem (thanks to Sandra Sturtz Hauss) - “These Are My Wishes For You”:

May you find serenity and tranquility in a world you may not always understand. May the pain you have known and the conflict you have experienced give you the strength to walk through life facing each new situation with courage and optimism. Always know that there are those whose love and understanding will always be there, even when you feel most alone. May a kind word, a reassuring touch, and a warm smile be yours every day of your life, and may you give these gifts as well as receive them. May the teachings of those you admire become part of you, so that you may call upon them.

Remember, those whose lives you have touched and who have touched yours are always a part of you, even if the encounters were less than you would have wished. It is the content of the encounter that is more important than its form. May you not become too concerned with material matters, but instead place immeasurable value on the goodness in your heart. Find time in each day to see beauty and love in the world around you. Realize that what you feel you lack in one regard you may be more than compensated for in another. What you feel you lack in the present may become one of your strengths in the future.

May you see your future as one filled with promise and possibility. Learn to view everything as a worthwhile experience. May you find enough inner strength to determine your own worth by yourself, and not be dependent on another's judgment of your accomplishments. May you always feel loved.

A list to live by...

The most destructive habit: Worry
The greatest joy: Giving
The worst pastime: Criticism
The best award: Appreciation
The greatest loss: Loss of self respect
The most satisfying work: Helping others
The ugliest personality trait: Selfishness
The most endangered species: Dedicated leaders
Our greatest natural resource: Our youth
Our greatest "shot in the arm": Encouragement
The greatest problem to overcome: Fear
The most effective sleeping pill: Peace of mind
The most crippling failure disease: Excuses
The most powerful force in life: Love
The most dangerous pariah: A gossiper
The most incredible computer: The brain
The worst company: Privilege seekers
The best company: Holy men
The best thing to be without: Jealousy
The worst thing to be without: Hope
The deadliest weapon: The tongue
The two most powerful words: "I can"
The greatest asset: Faith
The most worthless emotion: Self pity
The most prized possession: Integrity
The most powerful communication channel: Prayer
The most contagious spirit: Enthusiasm
The most beautiful attire: A smile

Marhaban Ya Ramadhan

The past months were frantic to say the least - juggling work, arabic lessons, family, health, etc. Life has been good to me, Alhamdulillah!

And seeing Mr "I" and his gang doing volunteering work makes me wanna get more involved with volunteerism, Insya Allah. It seems to give him a sense of peace...

Of late, an acquaintance's home crumbled due to the earthquake at Padang, Sumatera. Upon hearing the news, I was 'paralysed' for a split second, "What if I was in his position, would I be strong enough to handle the situation?". My heart went out to him and upon further reflection, it dawned on me that God loves him enough to test him to such extent.

I shared the news with mum and what she said was worthwhile to note - sometimes we fail to see the merits underlying such 'seemingly bad situations'... do not question but embrace every moment as it comes as only the "All Knowing" knows what is best for you. Verdict: That acquaintance of mine is back... he looks calm - he's a good man and I'm confident he would be alright :)

Lastly, I'm thankful that Ramadhan has arrived, providing the opportunity to cleanse my soul yet again. May we benefit from it, Insya Allah!

Bulan Ramadhan - dimana nafas kita menjadi tasbih, tidur kita menjadi ibadah, amal kita diterima dan do'a kita di ijabah. Mata kadang salah melihat, mulut kadang salah berucap, hati kadang salah menduga... Maafkan segala kekhilafan yang pasti ada. Taqqobalahu Minna Waminkum, Taqoballahu Ya Karim

Hellos & Goodbyes

Its been an interesting few months...

I've got to work with M again on our elearning project (he's the best!) and am enjoying myself at work again... its always exciting working with such great talent and insights to elearning, social networks, IA, etc... I learnt alot from this great man.

From one great man to another - bumped into my ex-NIE mate and we have since kept in touch... nice to know he's ready to settle down; thanks for sharing... the info will come in handy when my turn comes, Insya Allah!

My colleagues and my dive pals celebrated my birthday just last week and it was a good catch up session (its becoming a yearly ritual)... Unfortunately another pal could not join us as she bid farewell to her father-in-law who passed away the same week.

Goodbye (not literally though) to two great men - Ust Dr Ade Novli and Ust Ayhan and hello to Ust Saifudeen and Ust Abdul Halim... I especially like the teaching style of Ust Saifudeen - he is soft-spoken yet assertive when needed, systematic yet flexible and versatile... in short a good educator who cares about the welfare of his class... Keep up the good work please.... Yeah, sounds like I'm becoming a fan of his, right? All I can say is credit needs to be given where appropriate *grin*

21 August was the day I said goodbye to Miss Fifi... but with that parting comes the anxious anticipation of the biopsy but I'm prepared to face it, especially with my family and close pals behind me... a follow-up is due early Sep. Wish me luck, folks!

26 August I'll get to attend seminar by Ust Dr Asri and Ust Dr Juanda, also great speakers from across the causeway.

29 August, a good friend from Bangkok will be in town and I'm looking forward to catch up with her after so long...

Come 31 August, a colleague will say goodbye to singlehood and hello to married life. I'm just glad I could be part of the celebration (and pick up tips to a great yet simple wedding).

Stay tuned for more interesting posts ahead...

Choice Theory... I rest my case :P

The last few weeks' observation brought home the point that we are ultimately accountable for our own behaviour. And I stumbled upon this interesting read - Choice Theory

How apt... Aunt Rose used to tell me, if you can't beat them, join them... but instinctively, I don't want to stoop to a level which I personally feel lacks accountability. You don't jump into the deep end just because everyone else does so, do you? On the contrary, you do what you can, to the best of your ability and within the parameters of your control and failing which i.e. if things are back to square one, what do you do?

Its so much easier to jump ship coz some people are undeserving or unworthy of your dedication to work, your integrity to giving the best and professionalism in ensuring quality work gets done within timeframe and budget. Coz the more you stay on to seemingly steer the ship and brave the wind, you are in an unhealthy environment that will reel you in and eat you up ultimately... I admit, that was a rant (sorry, folks). All I can say is the ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy... Have faith and things will turn out fine...

Against the wind, older, but no wiser.
I still find myself inextricably running against the wind.
Whilst it could have been easier rowing with the tide.
Something within me beckons! "Do it otherwise! "
Defying instincts, & rejecting the norms.
Living my Life on its edge, I refuse to conform.
Perhaps one day when my time is done.
Laid down to oblivion, my life has just begun!

Poem inspired from Takalah Tan

What a week!

140507:
Mum informed me dad will be back in Singapore after an ordeal in Indonesia. A part of me was glad and hopeful that he had changed for the better. A part of me was sad to find out what he went through the past few years. There was a tinge of suspicion yet a voice whispered forgiveness… Perhaps this is the much needed closure on this episode a man called ‘dad’… Oh God, guide me to the straight path and protect me from hell’s fire.

150507:
The 3 hour gathering was compact with catching up on each other’s lives - V’s second baby girl is due this September (let’s go for 13th), Paul got married this year as planned; Spens to walk down the aisle next (good luck!), Y’s new job seems to bode well for her current married lifestyle. Talk of sideline business came up again… interesting conversation. Spoke to a dear friend in between dinner and dessert; glad mum is doing ok.

160507:
Went back to check on the lil tyke – Irfan…wonder if there is a way to put it tactfully across to his mum not to take food she is allergic to… looking at the eczema on poor Irfan enraged me…I know he is not my child but could you bear seeing the poor tyke itching and not knowing how to communicate the discomfort to people around him? For God’s sake, he’s a baby.

Imagine your hands being tied, your mouth gagged and itch powder poured all over your body - you have no way to scratch or yell out to someone to help you get rid of the itch. Suffering in silence is something no one condones right? I rest my case…

At the end of the day, it boils down to mindfulness… Save the debate about different living standards and definition of hygiene… Any mother would want to protect, nurture and bring up her child in the safest environment possible… that’s what we call motherly instincts.

180507:
Tender closes today and I could already envision the busy months ahead once the project kickstarts end June... So now is the time to really hang loose and de-stress as much as I can... Seeing the way things took a turn this week, all I can say is "Expect the unexpected"... Somehow that seems like an understatement... vibes, folks. Oh how I love it that God loves me so much! Amen...

190507:
NLB’s inaugural Sports Carnival in the morning. Verdict = interesting. Saw my HOD in action - she's really good with ping-pong (those smashes!)... And of course my dear Idah playing soccer with the guys...

Met up with Rye to see how he was doing over brunch. “Certainty”… what was that about? Hmm… Anyway, got to rush home to change and head to class. In between, had an interesting conversation with aunt Sophie… learnt a lot from her about 'marital bliss'. Resolved to take up course on child psychology…

PS: What a week… Grandpa is rather unwell. Stay tuned to find out what will happen in the next Episode on “The Journey back to Batu Pahat”…

Planet Earth...

A variety of deep emotions tugged at my heart strings as I witnessed the hungry polar bear tries his best to spread his weight evenly on the thin glacial ice (that are melting drastically by the seconds due to global warming) as he searched for food... not a bite in weeks while braving the windy ice storm. It could die in such sad conditions any time soon. Not just the polar bears, even the penguins and walrus are fighting for their livelihood. Read the Ice World documentary brief at http://www.bbc.co.uk/nature/animals/planetearth/

And to think that it is men, the 'creature of great intelligence of the highest order' in the animal chain that are doing the greatest damage to planet earth. How much longer could we tolerate seeing the sufferings of others? Do we have to wait till the consequence of our action or lack of it (disrespect for the natural order of the world) hits close to home or directly affects those close to us to make a difference? Imagine if you are the dying polar bear... Is that the state you want to die in? What kind of living conditions do we want our future generation to live in? Imagine the worst from now on.

Prevention is better than cure. There needs to be a united global voice to ensure a conducive living condition for our future generation. You may think that we are powerless as individuals and do not feel the need to make a difference and improve the living conditions of all species on planet earth.

If you feel at a loss as to where to start, there are hundreds of websites with great tips: you can start by seriously reducing, reusing and recyling. Check out:
http://www.wastewatch.org.uk/
http://www.wrap.org.uk/
http://www.recyclenow.com/
http://www.wwf.org.uk/

Get involved. There are small changes we can all make which will make a big difference. And if all else fails, in the words of one man, "if you cannot save planet earth, do not breed.You are not helping human kind one bit! Remember, the planet does not need us like we need it for our livelihood."

PS: The image of the dying polar bear haunts me till this day and I can't help but tear up just thinking of it.

Little Miss "Fifi"

Something was amiss when the scan took awhile to complete.
Guess no one knows your body better than yourself...

The report came back 3 weeks later.
Diagnosis - a 15 x 12 x 7 mm right breast fibroadenoma.
Verdict - Not the end of the world.
If this test is a sign of God's love for me, I accept it with open arms.

Surfed the web to find out as much accurate info about it.
Spoke to my family before making an informed decision.
Will remove it... Will get a referral letter soonest possible.

In such a situation, keep an open mind and think positive.
Everything happens for a reason;
God works in mysterious ways...

I hope by sharing this story, my lady pals will go for screening:
- the painless breast ultrasound (if you are below 35) or
- mammogram (if you are above 35).

If you need more info before investing in a screening, read these:
http://www.singaporecancersociety.org.sg/c_breastcancer.htm#H
http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/understanding-breast-changes
http://www.healthsearches.org/Categories_of_Q&A/Diagnosis/1370.php http://www.youngsurvival.org/young-women-and-bc/survivor-stories/

Early detection could change the outcome of your life.
You live life just this once... Go for it - you have nothing to lose!
Meanwhile, have a good rest on Labour Day :)

Look to your health; and if you have it, praise God and value it next to conscience; for health is the second blessing that we mortals are capable of, a blessing money can't buy. - Izaak Walton

the M word...

"You start with the ingredients for a highly compatible, successful relationship, and then you work to develop closeness and intimacy. Does this mean you lower your standards when it comes to finding a partner? Absolutely not! It simply means you 'expand your field of vision."

I enjoyed reading the book by Dr Neil Clark Warren and totally agree with his 29 Dimensions... something I wished for at the back of my head; its not about being 'selective' mind you. What a revelation! View the list and make an informed decision yourself:

A. The Screening Dimension:
1. Good character
2. Good self-concept
3. Watch out for red flags
4. Anger management
5. Obstreperousness (harsh, unappreciative, difficult, etc)
6. Understandings about family
7. Good family background

B. Core Personal Dimensions
8. Intellect
9. Similar energy levels
10. Similar spirituality
11. Similar education levels
12. Appearance
13. Sense of humour
14. Mood management
15. Traditional vs Nontraditional personalities
16. Ambition
17. Sexual passion
18. Artistic passion
19. Good values
20. Industrious
21. Curiosity
22. Vitality and security
23. Autonomy vs closeness

C. Skills that can be developed
24. Communication
25. Conflict resolution
26. Sociability

D. Qualities that can be developed
27. Adaptability
28. Kindness
29. Dominance vs submissiveness

Above it all, there must be chemistry and commitment, the glue that keeps it all together.

Seven checkpoints to ask yourself before you make that plunge:
1. Take plenty of time to evaluate your relationship
2. Make sure you are the right age
3. Beware of being over-eager
4. Make yourself happy (above everyone else)
5. Make sure you have a broad spectrum of experiences before marriage
6. Make sure your expectations are realistic before saying "I do"
7. Address any character issues, behavioural problems or personality quirks

A wedding vow is a lifelong pledge to love someone unconditionally (its not easy to love someone, sometimes its tougher to like your partner at certain moments but you still regard your other half as a person of great worth and value), honor someone (treat your partner with respect even when he/she is different from you.. you honor the words and the eye contact with your attention and actions, saying "You are important to me"), cherish someone (treat your partner withh tender affection even under circumstances that aren't easy as it requires self-sacrifice; setting aside your own desires/needs at that moment to better meet the needs of your partner), forsake all others (not something I would reckon but in essence, it means treating your partner as important in your life enough to not play around with voices calling to you from outside the relationship or compromising impulses within you i.e. your partner can have deep and total trust in you), perform all duties (providing physical and emotional protection; all-nurturing relationship at all levels) and most importantly, under every kind of circumstances as long as we both shall live (in plenty and in want, in joy and sorrow; in sickness and in health...)